an extremely informal (and possibly unhinged) review of various supplements

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before you start...

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obligatory I AM NOT A DOCTOR and THIS IS NOT MEDICAL ADVICE.

CLEAR PROTEIN POWDER

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I actually take clear protein, which means that it has succeeded where all other protein supplements have failed. There are a whole host of flavors, all of which definitely taste artificial, but it's not any worse than something like Gatorade. I get my clear protein from Oath Nutrition, and all the flavors I've tried are good...except for raspberry lemonade, which is absolutely terrible. Don't try that one.

L-THEANINE

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L-Theanine is wonderful. The effect is very subtle—it's just a little bit of breathing room between feeling anxiety and reacting to it—but it's enough to get me to understand that that space exists. Seeing that space a couple of times has made me better at handling anxiety in general, even when I'm not actively taking L-Theanine, which has made a huge difference in my quality of life.

SILEXAN

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Silexan has a calming effect that is noticeably stronger than L-Theanine. The only problem is that when I take it, I turn into a lavender burp generating machine. Which is like, weird, but you kind of get used to it. Oh yeah, it also helps me focus a little better.

MAGNESIUM GLYCINATE

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I wonder whether magnesium glycinate actually does anything, positive or negative. It helps me sleep better, I think, though the effect is subtle enough that I can't be sure. Also, it possibly helped me recover from my repetitive strain injury? I continue to take it because of a history of nerve damage and because it probably doesn't hurt.

VITAMIN B

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Unlike magnesium glycinate, I can attest to the fact that vitamin B actually does do something: it makes your pee highlighter yellow. I'm talking like, highlighter highlighter yellow. Like this yellow— *ahem* anyway. Uhh, like magnesium glycinate, I take vitamin B to support nerve repair, even though it's hard for me to know whether it's having an effect in that department. I think it also helps with energy levels, though this is conflated by the fact that I'm usually taking vitamin D at the same time.

VITAMIN D

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Last time I got a blood test, it was abundantly clear that I was not touching enough grass. Sure enough, supplementing vitamin D made me happier and less tired. I think everyone knows how this works already, except that for some reason, I keep unsolving the problem every couple of months. I'll be like "Oh! I don't think this vitamin D is doing anything!" and then act surprised when I am sad and tired a few weeks later. This time it'll stick, right?

IRON BISGLYCINATE

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The first-line treatment for iron deficiency is oral ferrous sulfate, which I couldn't tolerate at all due to gastrointestinal discomfort. I swapped to iron bisglycinate and almost never have problems, even at high doses. When I do have stomach issues, it's usually a sign that my iron levels have recovered and that I should dial back the dosage. In any case, I very much enjoy not being iron deficient.

VITAMIN C

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I can't say I notice the iron absorption effect much (but maybe it's there), and I probably already get enough vitamin C because I eat so much fruit. I probably wouldn't take vitamin C consistently if the gummies didn't taste like oranges.